What's the worst that could happen and why should I care

Lately ni, banyak pulak aku bercerita dengan kawan - kawan aku pasai introvert dengan extrovert. Idea dia simple je.

Untuk introvert, tenaga untuk dia berborak dengan orang lain (social interaction) dia adalah limited. Jadi, makin banyak dia berinteraksi dengan orang lain, makin kurang tenaga dia. Basically macam graph bawah ni.

Atau dengan kata lainnya,

\[ Social Interaction \propto \frac{1}{Energy} \] 

Means that, their social interaction dia inverse dengan tenaga dia. Satu positif, dan satu lagi negatif (and vice versa). Their energy for conversation is limited. Dia ada quota untuk berborak dengan orang lain dalam satu hari. Dia menggunakan tenaga untuk berborak. Pagi - pagi kalau dia ada tenaga full bar, lepas berborak dengan orang, tenaga dia makin kurang.

But make no mistakes. This doesn't means that dia tak boleh berborak lama dengan orang lain. Biasanya ada handful of people je yang dia akan rasa selesa, dia boleh hold conversation without draining their energy.

Believe me, aku banyak rapat dengan kawan - kawan introvert dari dulu lagi. And I really love and admire their way. Dia tak banyak bercakap, jadi dia tidak berkata perkara yang sia - sia. Dia menjaga perbualan dan perhubungan dia because this will force them to interact with others. Dia jenis tidak melepak.. Don't you think this is the best?

And then, we have the second type. The extrovert type.

Basically diorang ni jenis menggunakan social interaction diorang sebagai sumber tenaga diorang.

\[ Social Interaction \propto Energy \]

Lagi banyak social interaction dia, lagi banyak tenaga dia dapat. This one is clear. Dia boleh datang borak dengan siapa - siapa dan dia biasanya suka attract ke another extrovert. 

Extrovert kinda guy is also be the nightmare for the introvert. Sebab extrovert ni suka sangat bercakap, so aku perhatikan, kalau dia pergi borak dengan budak introvert, nanti budak introvert tu sama ada nak lari, atau terus diam beberapa jam lepas tu.

Aku jugak suka tengok diorang ni. Happy. Senang betul nak bergaul. Senang betul nak petik apa - apa topik perbualan. Walaupon dia happy, sedih, geram, penat.. boleh je dia borak lagi tu. Kalau dengan aku pon, aku pon penat gak nak melayan. Call nak tanya pasal 1 benda je, boleh jadi 15 minit. Haha. They are also the kind of happy-go-lucky kalau orang tengok secara luaran. Geng makan? Dia ada at least 10. Dia boleh petik je nak pergi makan mana dengan siapa.

Yosh.

Now, we move to the second last one. The Ambivert.

Yang ni jenis dia balance antara extrovert dan introvert. Dia boleh hold perbualan dengan orang untuk jangka masa yang lama. Dan dia juga boleh duduk diam sahaja tanpa perlu berbual. Dia ok je mana - mana.

Believe me, this is the majority of the people in this world. Dia buat keje rilek2 je. Lepas tu boleh ajak atau join kawan - kawan pergi makan. This is normal. Dia ada cara dia untuk berborak. Contoh ada yang jenis akan berborak kat internet, atau berborak kat tempat kerje.

But they aren't as extreme as the last one.

Which is, the omnivert.

 \[ Social Interaction \propto Energy^{x}, x\in \left\{ 1,-1 \right\} \]

They can be extra introvert or introvert, depending on their mood or some other unknown parameters. This one is quite hard to predict and other people likes to handle them like they are the emotional type. "Eh takut la nak borak dengan dia, macam dia tengah senyap je tu", said the extrovert in the morning. But later at the same day, they can be really talkative to everyone.

Each one of them has their own unique way of communicating. And I really respect all of them. Setiap orang ada kekuatan masing - masing. Even the introvert guys is the strongest when they talk. Everybody will listen. The extrovert pulak can easily speak up anything that they have in their minds.

But if you fall into one of the category and you ask me if you wanted to make a change (dari banyak bercakap ke kurang bercakap or from omnivert to ambivert), I will always give the same answer.

Do what is the best for you and for everybody around you. But don't change because of anybody. Jangan paksa diri untuk gembirakan orang keliling kamu. Just because some of them tak suka cara kamu, why do you even need to care? Obviously they wanted to you to be WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO BE. Jangan paksa diri. But if it is coming directly from your heart, so be it. In the end, it is you who will face the sequence and consequence.

And for me,

Well.. siapa yang kenal aku lama tau. Aku ni jenis tak kesah sangat pon. Buat ikut suka aku sendiri je. 

Because in the end, I will always think, why should I care apa orang fikir (except for only several handful of people), and me will always be me (suka atau tak suka diri sendiri tu, tak termasuk ye. Because I also don't really care what I think of myself).

Because.. why tho?

...

Circa Year 2003.

Ok masa kat UTM dulu, course kitorang ada belajar empat bahasa pengaturcaraan.

1. C++. Ni basically sebab dulu nak belajar pasal AI. Kitorang layankan aje.
2. Minitab. Some sort of math language for statistical purpose. Like SPSS, tapi boleh buat script sendiri. Masa tu SPSS tak boleh.
   
3. Mathematica. Sekarang dah takde dah. Ganti dengan Wolfram Alpha. Generic math.
4. And obviously, MATLAB. A powerful math tool used by scientist everywhere sebab dia ada banyak plugin. Kat universiti dia kasi free. Tapi kalau kat luar tu, harga dia boleh cecah USD 200,000. Fuh pandai marketing dia.
    

And obviously lah, thesis aku dulu aku buat menggunakan MATLAB. So it's kinda safe to say, for math programming, I will always goes to MATLAB. Kalau nak buat simple - simple je aku bukak wolfram alpha kat phone. For heavy stuff, I'm going with MATLAB.

I know. I know. Mahal. But there will always a kedai CD kat luar tu yang jual MATLAB. So.. why should I care dia mahal ke tak.. I'm going to use alternatives way if I can't get it with right way. So why sould I care tho?

...

Circa Year 2022/2023.

Aku ada la terlibat satu projek ni kat tempat kerje aku. Dan aku nak la buat revision sikit kat coding yang aku buat masa kat UTM dulu because I might need to use it again. Cuma takde la pandai sangat aku nak guna MATLAB untuk commercial product aku. Cuma nak tau je all the steps that I used before this and apply it to Python.

Dan kebetulan pulak masa tu ada part time job yang requires to use MATLAB as its delivery. Cantik sangat lah timing dia tu.

So aku pon apa lagi. Aku beli la kat shopee MATLAB ni. Dalam RM20 je.

Revision aku tu aku buat adalah malam - malam, totalling dalam 4 jam. Dan part time aku tu, aku totalkan dalam 4 jam juga. RM20 for 8 hours. Not bad.

I mean, what's the worst could happens?

...

This. This happens.

 

(Yang aku hitamkan tu, nama company aku)

Al-kesahnya. Aku install MATLAB Shopee tu, kat dua laptop Macbook personal aku. Satu hari tu, aku terbawak la pergi ke office sebab nak update. Aku takde la pandai sangat nak install kat laptop office. Tapi terpandai pulak masa tu nak bawak Macbook aku yang ada MATLAB tu pergi office. Padahal tak buat apa pon.

Sekali Mathwork (company MATLAB) tu, detect license MATLAB aku (yang beli kat Shopee tu) pakai kat tempat lain.

Sudah. Dia 'ugut' nak saman kalau kitorang tak beli. Setiap orang kene beli satu lesen. Yang kantoi tu pulak, bukan aku sorang je. Ade la total dalam 6 orang, means kene beli 6 lesen. So bayangkan. 7 kali dua ratus ribu USD. Uih banyak tu.

Dia nak saman company aku. Company aku ni try la nak nak nego dengan Mathwork. Aku tak tau sangat detail tu.

But.. Every action has sequence and consequence.

Aku dan 6 orang yang lain, kene menghadap Human Resource (HR) kat company aku tu. Habis kene bebel. Luckily, Head of HR tu sangat understanding (dia carry gaya mak - mak yang concernkan anak - anak dia). But unluckily, dia kata setiap kami akan dikenekan Displinary Action. There will be a call to all of us lepas hukuman dijatuhkan.

But also, lucky for me, masa tu, I'm really tired of all kind of things that happens in my life.

Believe me or not, I'm just thinking, takpe lah. Kene je lah apa - apa tindakkan. Dah memang aku bersalah.

...

Tapi masa tu, aku memang senyap je. Malas pulak aku nak bergaul dengan orang. Going totally introvert. Kat company aku, except for the top brass, hanya tiga orang je yang tau. Itu pon sebab aku nak mintak bantuan if the worst comes to worst (Head of HR said it is quite impossible for us to get fired.. but also warned us, just be prepared).

Salah sorang tu (dulu aku pernah citer skali), NZ bising. "Bos ko tak tolong ke? Apasal hukuman tu macam tu", and all sorts of things. And I do make it clear to him. Bos aku banyak tolong. And I said to him, I don't really care pon pasal hukuman tu. What happens, let it happens. Ya bunyik macam dah putus asa. But like i said. I don't care.

And so, the final decision from HR has been set. Kitorang diarahkan untuk reply email show cause letter to HR. Head of HR already informed me on how to handle this (which is, I'm really grateful to her). 

...

November 2023.

Several weeks leter, aku dapat email.

Subject Email: Suspension Letter.

Me: Ohh.. kene suspension je.

And then I'm reading the letter. Basically it said. "Your suspension WITHOUT PAY for 14 days from 23rd December 2023 until 5 January 2024".

Separuh gaji kene potong.. 

And there's also "During the period, you must cut all ties with the company. You can't represent the company in any way". Ok...

Sebenarnya aku memang dah tau pon the outcome even before the letter being handed to me. Ada informer bagitau. But reading the letter directly. It really hits differently.

Terdiam. I think I wouldn't care. But why do I feel a pain in my heart.

...

Early December 2023.

Masa ni, tetiba department kami dapat satu job besar. And I was in charge for the technical stuff. Why me? Because I don't want my other staff involve with this new job. Kitorang sebelum ni memang ada projek lain. So better aku sorang je pergi ke job baru ni dari drag beberapa orang dari team aku tu. At least our current project tu, takde la tertinggal macam tu je.

18th December 2023.

Tinggal lagi seminggu je sebelum aku cakap bye - bye ke company aku. So aku ingatkan bos aku pasal tu.

Boss aku: Takpe. You kerje je macam biasa. Later we will issue a memo to ask to keep you to complete this job.

Aku: Ok

Aku citer la kat sorang lagi kawan aku (bukan NZ, tapi lagi sorang). Dia pon bising la. Cakap boleh pulak nak keep untuk siapkan project. Tapi tak boleh nak waive pasal hukuman tu.

And I said this to him. Because I don't really care.

To be honest, I'm currently running on auto mode. Aku ikut je angin tolak aku ke mana.

But don't misunderstood. Not care doesn't mean I'm not working hardly. Aku keje macam biasa. Cuma aku malas nak fikir dah. Whatever happens, let it happens.

...

Since memo tu keluar lambat, so gaji aku dah kene potong 9 hari (for December payout). Banyak weh. Sangkut semua hutang - hutang aku. Dah la sebelum tu aku memang dah sangkut.

What's the worst that could happen?

This. This happens. Semua sangkut. Nak beli makanan pon takde duit. But me just being me. I don't really care. Aku jalan je selagi boleh jalan. Takde duit nak makan? Simple. Tak yah makan atau kurangkan makan. Bukan tak biasa pon.

...

12 January 2024.

Based on the memo, so hari ni aku dapat lagi satu email. "New Date of Suspension without pay".

So tarikh suspension aku ubah ke 7 February 2024 sampai ke 20 February 2024. Dan baki gaji 5 hari patut kene potong tu, dia akan potong Februari ni.

Nothing suprises me anymore. I mean, in my mind, I'm thinking I should feel lucky aku tak kene buang kerje. Right?

Things already happens. Right?

So... Why should I really care?