Season 4: Oui Mais Non

If you know me long enough, you should know that this is my normal playlist.

 

...

"Why am I here in the first place?"

Dulu, kawan aku sorang ni ha yang dok pengaruh aku buat blog ni. 

"Raje, ko buat blog la raje", katanya. Aku cakap la kat dia, aku takde idea nak tulis apa. "Ala ko tulis je apa - apa yang ko nak tulis". Aku cakap balik, "Malas lah aku. Takde insentif untuk aku buat".

But sooner or later, aku terpengaruh jugak dengan arwah Kucai untuk tulis blog. Aku kalau dengan dia ni, aku memang senang sangat terpengaruh. Fear of missing out syndrome gamaknya.

Aku jadikan blog aku ni asalnya untuk aku bersosial dan bercerita to whatever my heart's content.

So here it is. fafa-null2.blogspot.com is here to stay.

 

"Yes, but no. Why am I here in the first place?"

Ok ceritanya, asalnya nama domain blog ni adalah fafa-null.blogspot.com (without the number 2).

Accidently, aku tersalah setting tah macam mana tah kat dalam blogspot ni. So aku tak boleh nak register balik nama fafa-null.blogspot.com tu. Belum start apa - apa lagi tu, dah tak boleh nak register nama yang aku nak tu balik.

Incidentally, aku pulak suke nombor dua. So there is it. fafa-null2.blogspot.com. Masa tu aku suka domain pelik - pelik. Tah macam mana tah aku register kat host.sk. So the actual official url tu is fafa-null2.host.sk. Refer to my first post: https://fafa-null2.blogspot.com/2006/08/blog-post.html

"No no no. Why am I here in the first place?"

Ok the story is that, fafa is basically is aku gelarkan kepada nama aku sendiri. Ala - ala comel gitu hahahah. My real moniker name on the internet (dulu) is Fa Wildchild (even some remnant of my internet footprint is still fa wildchild).

So kalau letak nama fa-wildchild as my URL/domain for my blog, rasa macam tak menarik sangat.

So.. you know me, being me, alang - alang tak menarik tu, aku terus letak nama fafa-null. Kasi betul - betul tak SEO friendly (dulu kalau nama kat domain ada dash, kira tak SEO friendly).

Again, incidentally, time tu best friend aku nick name dia fafa (nama dia farusliza*). Nama fafa blog aku ni takde kaitan dengan dia ok. Aku time tu dah ada awek kot. haha.. 

Also, it should be noted that, dari dulu, orang yang kenal aku through internet memang panggil aku Fa sampai sekarang. Because of the Fa Wildchild and fafa-null2.

And the null? Masa tu aku always keep on preaching that the null (tu computer science punya terminology, atau nothing in math), is not equals to zero. Because as it seems, the inequality is actually not that obvious.

So that is it.

"Wait no. Why am I here in the first place?"

If you are asking me, why we are currently in Season 4? (baca kat header blog aku ni. Aku tau, agak poyo sikit disitu), so let us back up again 18 years ago. 2006.

Masa tu aku baru umur 22 tahun.

Basically setahun jagung. Atau umur aku sekarang ni yang dibahagikan dua!!

So Season 1, aku baru nak mencuba - cuba blog ni. Tengok fun ke tak. Sebab aku ni jenis cepat bosan dengan teknologi. Tapi alhamdulillah, ramai pulak aku dapat kawan kat sini. So melekat la aku menulis tah apa - apa kat sini.

The tagline masa Season 1 tu dulu, is actually Null to Zero. Symbolizing that, it is my journey from nothing, and came out to zero. Why zero? Because if you are come out from nothing, it must be start from zero. The number that hold positive and negative value at the same time. So this journey might show that whether I'm going negative or positive in my life (aku ingat aku ada tulis pasal ni dalam season 4 .

Aku tak explain lebih - lebih masa tu sebab,

1. Takde orang tanya,
2. Nobody cares (aku assume je, sebab takde orang tanya pon)
3. Me just being me. Ikut aku nak explain ke tak. And masa tu aku macam rasa malu jugak nak cerita.. hihihi.

Then, there's something traumatize happens to me in July 2007.

Figure 125: One of records showing the transaction between Null to Zero, to From Zero to Zeroes.

 

So that is when aku tukar tagline aku dari Null to Zero, to, From Zero to Zeros. Basically new season (Season 2) with what I think (or actually hoping) to be a new exciting (story of my) life.

Why zeros? Senang. Sebab masa tu aku tak tau lagi am I going to positive or negative direction. I'm just go with the wind, bak kata pepatah.

So using zeros (basically a vector, or matrices or array/mutidimension array, that filled with zeros), might be an appropriate value. In math, this is normal. Like how you can decompose a matrix to multiple matrices but still actually representing the same value (look at Singular Value Decomposition, LU Decomposition atau Cholesky Decomposition).

Figure 126: Contoh nak decompose matrix M ke tiga matrix berbeza yang resultnya still sama dengan matrix M!

And it's a new possiblity that I hope I can fill it (the zeroes matrix/vectors) with lots of positive energy .

And it is! Sort of..

It is good and interesting period of my blog.

Until time. Until time happens. Semua orang dah mula busy dengan life masing - masing. Semua dah rasa blog is outdated. Out of style.. Masa ni, yang popular dah lebih kepada microblog. Such as twitter and facebook. Including me.

So this blog left unattended with several retries to revive it. But it is not happening. Pindah sana. Pindah sini.. So (as I put it as my Season 3), the period of that time will be called as Transition Period. Pi mai, pi mai.. Tang tu jugak. So I am here to stay.

So the current Season (Season 4), is actually more on how me meluahkan perasaan, in my style. Biasanya aku akan borak lebih kurang macam ni lah dengan arwah Kucai. Ada je cerita pasal equation. Cerita pasal luahan hati. Tapi lepas dia meninggal, aku banyak pendamkan je cerita - cerita aku.

Sebab.. aku tak rasa orang boleh tahan kot dengar cerita aku. And some others (pernah) using my story to bite me.

Dannnn.. Kebetulan pulak aku tengok takde orang baca blog aku ni. So why not. Just sambung je la sini..

Ok x.

 

"You know exactly what I mean. Why am I here in the first place?"

The thing is that, there's quite a lot of thing happens to me in these several weeks. I am actually tired. Sangat penat. Tired of thinking for the uncertainty. Dari kerja sampai ke personal life aku.

I just wanted to start a new chapter.

Silently.

But surely.

But obviously I'm going to maintain the story telling as it is.

It just that internally, aku aim nak ubah sedikit foundation for this blog and for myself.

And yes. I'm going to start now.

And so,

Fuh..

 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim. Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

I'm officially going to close this season and hopefully we can meet in my new season. URL yang sama. Pendekatan yang sama. Foundation yang berbeza.

The closure.

#fairuz

Figure 127: Simpan sikit header blog aku kat dalam ni

PS:

[109] Tajuk post ni ambil dari lagu top yang aku dengar kat Spotify. Oui Mais Non dari SM:LY (lagu dari France, house music remixed). Boleh dengar kat sini: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrTnwzeDs18&ab_channel=SM%3ALY-Topic Literally translated as Yes.. But no.

[110] Gambar SVD tu aku ambil dari sini https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Diagram-of-SVD-and-truncated-SVD-for-feature-transformation_fig3_3457515